Political Promise

Contact Your Airline Before Setting Off

In Uncategorized on April 22, 2010 at 7:52 am

I really hate things I can’t see, I find it so hard to feel worried, or even notice that I’m affected by them. I know that global warming is a serious problem affecting the world, but whenever I see a graph of average temperature, one of those where the little horizontal line slowly turns into a vertical one and people say to me “You’re going to die because of this” I have a problem thinking anything but “No you’re clearly mistaking a dull graph with a severed artery.” Global warming isn’t walking towards me with a knife in its hand, it’s slowly nudging me towards my impending doom but allowing me to play video games while I wait. This is simply not scary to me, I find it hard to even care a lot of the time.

The same thing applies to this volcanic ash which has been sweeping the nation like the Ebola virus, bringing flights and everyone’s interest in the general election to a halt all across the UK, but for no real reason. When I first heard about this ash engulfing England I stepped outside expecting a post apocalyptic wasteland to confront me. Planes scattered in the street, giant scorpions enslaving the surviving humans, but instead what I got was the biggest pile of nothing since Indiana Jones 4. A nothing which the news companies latched onto and just couldn’t let go of. What they didn’t seem to understand was how boring nothing is. Reporters from every news channel were standing in airport terminals saying nothing is happening, and that potentially nothing would happen for some time to come, which is shockingly even more boring than it sounds.

They then proceeded to roll the same bits of footage over and over again where a boring man with a tan said he was stuck on holiday and couldn’t go back to work. Forgive me if I’m making light of a serious problem but it seems to me that it’s not exactly the worst thing that has ever happened. Some people can’t go on holiday and some people have to stay on holiday. Boo flippin’ hoo. Anyway, I thought the British public enjoyed standing in queues, it certainty seems that way looking at the complaints desk for most major airlines. Well, needless to say, knock yourself out guys. Go fucking wild.

One of the real victims of the ash cloud was the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA). It seemed like whatever they did, they’d do it wrong. If they’d allowed planes to fly and one crashed then they would have had blood on their hands however by imposing the ban then lifting it when air companies started throwing their weight around like a fat man at an iron maiden concert, people started complaining that the ban wasn’t necessary in the first place. So they were damned if they did and damned if they didn’t. I suppose being over cautious is always better than being over confident, in the long run. Maybe lives were saved, maybe they weren’t. In truth we’ll never know, but at least now they can get back to polluting the atmosphere and slowly killing the planet in peace and we can go back to, the, erm, what was it? Oh yeah the general election. Who could forget that? Well, everyone apparently.

Jack Sinclair


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