Political Promise

News 25: “Naughtie” boy – no Santa for you this Christmas

In Uncategorized on December 9, 2010 at 12:17 pm
Drew Colgate is in a festive mood – expect fireworks in his latest sensational broadcast.
Hello there! I’m Drew Colgate, the Julian Assange of broadcast news: fearlessly unfurling the flag of fact, uncovering the cobwebs of cover-up, and saluting the standard of truth, without even the faintest flutter of a second-thought. Except when it’s a bit inconvenient for me. Like when I’m on the run from the truth and justice and a Swedish judge and jury.
Tonight, yet another Wikileaks world exclusive! According to Assange’s latest cable, Santa Clause doesn’t really exist. Sorry, little ones – the truth hurts. But your uncle Jules wanted to let you know that your harmless, innocent, adorable fascination with St Nicholas actually constitutes child abuse, since it’s all based on evil lies and paedophilic overtones (old man in fancy dress sneaks into your home, lavishing gifts on your children – c’mon, don’t be naive!) ‘It’s plain wrong that we treat our kids with such cruelty and contempt’, Tweeted Assange. ‘What do we take them for?! This is the 21st century! Lying about Santa‘s the psychological equivalent of sending tots down mines! Children are so much more knowing and worldly nowadays. We shouldn’t patronise them with childhood fables and festive folklore, euphemisms for lies and deceit.’
In other news, James Naughtie has apologised to Radio 4 listeners for his on-air blunder during yesterday’s edition of Today. Last night, Naughtie was penitent: ‘I did not mean to say “Jeremy C*nt”. What I meant to say was “Jeremy is a c*nt”. I apologise unreservedly for my grammatical imprecision, so unbecoming of high-brow broadcasting, and I’m doubly sorry that the BBC’s left-wing bias didn’t extend to clearly pronouncing the most offensive language conceivable to describe a right-of-centre politician.’
Time for the ads, but don’t go anywhere! When we return, I’ll be talking to the Russian spy who wanted to infiltrate the corridors of power but somehow ended up in the parliamentary office of some Lib Dem backbencher. Lol out loud. See you in 3.
To see other episodes of News 25, follow the link: http://thecurrerball.wordpress.com/news-25/

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